What animal is your natural enemy?

If you only drink venti iced caramel macchiatos, chances are there’s Somali Ostrich out there plotting your demise

Ever wondered what animal you could fight and win? Well, you’re in the wrong place. Take this quiz to find out what animal would unquestionably best you in hand-to-hand, hand-to-fin or hand-to-beak combat.

Which type of Avatar: The Last Airbender ‘bender’ would you be?
  1. Firebender, duh, ‘cause flames and lightning.
  2. Airbender, I’m bald and/or have a pet lemur.
  3. Earthbender, I dream of having an army of plant children.
  4. Waterbender, I’m terrified of the ocean but my favourite Disney princess is Ariel.
A popular TV show that you’d like to wipe off the face of the Earth?
  1. Riverdale, how is there just ONE river but MULTIPLE murderers?
  2. The Office, it only has, like, five good seasons.
  3. Friends, a group of six white friends? Living in Manhattan? Hard pass.
  4. Spongebob Squarepants, I only watched it for the background fish people.
Quick! The best bubblegum flavour:
  1. Eww bubblegum, I use mints instead.
  2. Watermelon, I miss summer :(
  3. Mint, plain and simple.
  4. The weird soap-flavoured gums from the Dollar Store that cost $1.30.
What’s your favourite fall activity?
  1. Carving a pumpkin, but not for jack-o-lanterns. I just like carving pumpkins—37 and counting already this October.
  2. Standing outside my home and breathing in and out to see the air smoke from my breath. A great stress reliever.
  3. Crunching on leaves, with my feet or in my mouth—depends on my stress level.
  4. Blowing on a steaming mug with no liquid inside, just a hot mug.
What’s your ideal biome for an impulsive camping trip?
  1. Desert, can’t fly all the way to Dubai so this is a close second.
  2. Tropical rainforest, my second favourite place next to the Rainforest Cafe.
  3. Savanna, it’s my best friend's name!
  4. Freshwater, I’m watching my salt intake.
Does climate change exist?
  1. Yes [honest]
  2. No >3
  3. Yeah [no]
  4. Yes [derogatory]
Do you recycle?
  1. Yes, every week.
  2. Only during the full moon.
  3. Hahaha, no.
  4. For you, anything. But no.
Finish the lyrics: “You are….”
  1. I’m good, thanks.
  2. “My Sunshine”
  3. “my fi-re... the one…. De-sire”
  4. my candy~ girrrlll~
Trapped in the wild for 24 hours, the first thing you do is:
  1. Assert dominance amongst the other animals by striking a T-pose.
  2. Build a fire, fail, cry.
  3. Take off my clothes and blend with the environment.
  4. Cry, fail, build a fire.
How do you take your iced coffee?
  1. I only drink hot black coffee.
  2. Venti Iced Caramel Macchiato.
  3. With my hands?!?
  4. Extra ice, extra cream, half the coffee.
Mostly As: Black Mamba

The mamba was fine chilling on its own until it came face to face with you. Your natural presence just simply causes distress, and now it works day in and day out to find your whereabouts. Post less on Snapchat; it’s closer than ever to finding you using the Snap Map.

Mostly Bs: The Somali Ostrich

It’s all fun and games until you decide that mocking their inability to fly was funny. Next time be a little more empathetic cause guess who can’t fly away either: you.

Mostly Cs: Capybara

They’re so cute and yet they can’t stand you. Congratulations on being the first person capybaras have sought a rivalry with. There can only be one largest rodent standing.

Mostly Ds: Narwhal

If you ever feel the urge to go diving into the ocean, RESIST IT. Unless you have a secret army of orcas, you shouldn’t be anywhere near the water, because the narwhals are coming and They. Are. Armed.